i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
