i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
