So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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