since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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