Michael Bay diarrhea
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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