not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
