I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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