don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
