I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
