like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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