so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
