there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
