That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
