Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
