I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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