i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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