Got a toothbrush?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
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she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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