Sry I called you an 8
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize