Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
