well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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