She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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