dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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