Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
