u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
