If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
