oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
