you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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