ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
