he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
