i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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