Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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