I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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