If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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