chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize