Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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