I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
