i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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