He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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