I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
