This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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