On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
