I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
