Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the day after is always just damage control
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
