apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
