remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
