I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
