1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
