It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
