I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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