i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
