Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
