sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
