Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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