There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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