I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
