He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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