she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
