I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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