He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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