He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want nice things and good sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
