I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
