drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
