Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
