Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
