I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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