Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
