You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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