I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
