he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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