If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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