I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
