I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
