just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
