Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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